For Love or Money Page 15

  “Even if it changed me for the better?”

  He shakes his head. “It didn’t change you. You changed because of it, but it was your choice. You can’t control the world and the people in it. You can control your reaction. I like your reaction. I like that you see your worth now, because someone took away the smug bitch you always were.” He lifts my hand, kissing the back of it. “You’re worth so much to me.”

  I am falling in love with this boy and that is scarier than anything else.

  He does the thing I don’t want him to. He kisses my head and leaves my dorm, giving me the space I wanted. He leaves me standing in the middle of the room with the flowers in my hand and tears in my eyes.

  I want to run after him but not as badly as I want to talk to someone. It is the sort of conversation that needs a girl and some chocolate. After I put the flowers in water, I call Rachel. I haven’t had any daughterly advice in a long time, and I don’t think I’ll get it from her, but she always seems pretty smart compared to her friends—for a trophy wife.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Bangerz and bimbos

  James

  My phone vibrates in my pocket. I hope it’s her, but when I see Andy I know I have to face the music. No one embarrasses Andrew Saint Clare and lives to tell the tale.

  I answer his typical name-calling conversation starter with a similar statement. He responds with one word.

  ‘Bangerz’

  I wince and hurry to the street to hail a cab. I might as well get the whole thing over with. We’ve been friends a long time, and I’m not the kind of person who holds grudges.

  When I get to the strip club that's well known for its celebrity customers and guest lists that are impossible to get your name on, I know I’ll have to send him a text to let me in.

  Chances are he won’t come out and I’ll stand out here like a pervert on the street. I prepare to face the music as I approach the bouncer who gives me an expectant look.

  “James Holland.”

  He looks at the list and pulls back the red tie, letting me through.

  Weird.

  I can’t even imagine the type of sabotage I’m waiting for. God knows what Andy’s lined up inside of the strip club.

  The hall is lit with small red lights, making my eyes work at adjusting to the dim lighting. It sets the mood for the club that's barely lit at all. Each table has a slight golden light to it, being the only light except for the stage.

  It’s the classiest strip club I’ve been to.

  A hand lifts into one of the golden lights from one of the tables. I turn and saunter to where Shane, Andy, Jackson, Nick, and Lee are sitting. Paganini and the other guys are at the table next to us.

  There is a seat for me, next to Andy. I don't even hesitate at slumping into the chair. He turns and grins. “How’s Lana?” There’s a subtle hint of color next to his lip where I fattened it.

  “Better than your face.”

  He cocks an eyebrow and points at my equally swollen face. “I know thinking before you speak is hard when you get your first education taught to you in a shitty bar in Nashville, but dude, that was weak. You look like I won the fight.”

  “If you need me to tell everyone you did, that's cool.”

  He nudges me. “Bros before hos, my friend. Me and you go back far enough that you should know I don't take females serious enough to fight over one.”

  “Well, I’m taking this one serious, okay?”

  He lifts his hands again. “I would go for one who’s been ridden a little less hard, but that's just me.”

  My hands are in fists.

  Jackson leans in to me. “He’s baiting you, Holland. He clearly wants you to hit him so the bouncers will give you the beating of a lifetime.”

  I nod, releasing the hold on my hands and pull my phone out. The backlight is low so no one thinks I’m taking pictures of the strippers. I send Lana an emoticon of a rose and a kissy face. I can tell she sees it but she doesn't write back.

  Andy puts his phone on the table and passes me a glass of whiskey from the server. I cock an eyebrow and give the server a look. “Water please, sealed bottle.”

  Andy pulls the drink back his way, shrugging. He takes a huge swig of the alcohol so I reach over and take the glass from his hand.

  He smiles. “Your favorite is coming on in a minute.”

  I sip the smooth whiskey and sigh. “Great.”

  By favorite he means the girl I casually had sex with for six months last year.

  “She still the best lay you’ve ever had?”

  I shake my head casually. “No. Your mom is.”

  Andy laughs but he has no idea how truthful I’m being. Shane snorts, spilling some of his drink. Andy’s phone lights up and I see the name of the person texting him before he grabs it quick. My whole body goes numb.

  Fuck!

  She’ll text him back, not me?

  Why the hell is Lana texting him anyway?

  The stage comes alive with silvery lights that sparkle as a shadow slips from backstage. The dancer spins and lifts a leg, but we still can only see the dark of her shadow.

  She is stunning as she flits through the light, spinning and swinging her legs. She leaps onto the metal pole, coming alive with color and light. She launches her legs into the air, wrapping them around the pole and dropping her torso to the bottom of the pole, lowering her legs and spreading them for us. Her skirt flips, flashing pussy at us.

  My cock twinges and I know I shouldn't be here. Anna, the dancer, is too beautiful and too seductive, and my cock still aches when it thinks about the private shows I got all the time. Her lap dances rival Andy’s mom’s blow jobs.

  Anna lowers her legs like a gymnast, dropping to the splits on the floor, letting her skirt drop just as we see her luscious ass.

  Every face in there is stunned by the beauty and grace of the girl who moves like a gymnast and ballerina.

  But not my face. I’m worried. I want to see the message on his phone from the girl I want to be mine.

  Shane gives me a confused look. “You tapped that?”

  I contemplate lying but the look on Shane’s face is going to be precious. So I nod and watch as he purses his lips. “Ohhhh man. Why are you with Lana again?”

  I tilt my head, making him put his hands up defensively.

  Andy laughs. “I know, right?”

  Jackson hasn't stopped staring at Anna long enough to realize he’s still in a bar.

  Is he drooling?

  Nick shakes his head. “Shit. I’m gonna have to think about my grandma running in a bathing suit, to kill my starter boner off.”

  We all chuckle.

  As Anna leaves the stage every guy in there is doing the hesitant standing ovation. Everyone wants to stand, but no one wants to show how much they liked it.

  Shane nods. “Yeah, this is eighth grade all over again. I just need a binder to cover my lap.”

  Andy slaps me on the back. “Wow. I think I found my next conquest.” He stands, completely comfortable with his erection poking at the front of jeans, and walks to the side bar, slipping the bartender a wad of cash and disappearing behind the employees’ only door.

  I have to tear my eyes and my annoyance from the fact he’s going for one of my exes because of Lana, meanwhile inviting me here so I can see he’s still texting Lana. He’s fucking with me on purpose. He likes her a lot. A lot more than I’m comfortable with.

  “He’s such a douche,” Jackson mutters enviously, watching the door Andy went through.

  I finish my drink and nod. “I have early rehearsal, so I’ll see you all later.”

  Nick jumps up. “I’ll share a cab with you.”

  I nod and wave at everyone else. Nick swats me on the back as I head into the hallway. “What’s up with you and Andy?”

  The name leaves my lips like it’s poison, regardless of my feelings. “Lana.”

  “He and Lana are done. He told me himself. He said she ran out on him a while back,
left him hanging. He was dressed as a dirty professor, sitting in his dad’s office—“

  “Dude!” I groan, realizing that was probably the night I abducted her from Andy’s parents’ house.

  Nick continues talking over me. “I was just gonna say that I have never seen Lana the way she is now. She’s acting like a human being, a decent one. No more hateful bitch Lana. It’s refreshing. And her dad is stoked. He was at my place the day Weaver woke up and fessed up and—”

  “Lars Webber was at your house?”

  Nick shrugs. “Yeah. Our dads are friends. Anyway, he was there and I heard him telling my dad that he was overjoyed by the changes in Lana.”

  The way he says it, makes me stop and turn around. “Who—oh man. You’ve been reporting to her dad. You joined the band to spy on her?”

  Nick’s cheeks flush. “I’m just supposed to help her out, if I can, and make sure I let him know how things are going. He’s supposed to be washing his hands of her, but he’s worried sick.”

  “Why?”

  His brow lowers and he looks down. “Dude, her dad has bailed her out of shit you can’t even spell, in the last four years. I mean heinous.”

  I cock an eyebrow. “Can you spell heinous?”

  He lifts his middle finger, “I can spell payoff. As in her dad tried to pay Andy to stop seeing her.”

  My stomach drops as we get into the cab I’ve hailed. Her dad knows about Andy too? The poor man. I mutter, “I know about her past.”

  Nick shakes his head. “No, bro. You don't. I mean—bad. She got caught with cocaine in Germany in a house with her and Nance Hensley and a bunch of guys. Her dad had to have her extradited back to the US as a favor from a friend he has there. For her, this last month is like being a whole new girl.”

  The smile on my mouth is epic. My kind of bad makes hers look like some kind of Catholic schoolgirl games. Granted cocaine has never been my thing but a house full of Germans has—mine were strippers and Andy.

  When we get back to the school I jog over to her dorm, excited to see the light on.

  I send her a text and she looks out the window a second later. She opens it, smiling down on me. She looks like she’s been crying. “What are you doing here?”

  I shrug. “Oh, you know, hit the proverbial whore house with Andy and thought of coming back here rather than getting in trouble there.”

  She smiles. “Bangerz?”

  “You know it.”

  “Yeah, he sent me a message, asking if I wanted to hang out. I told him to shove it and stop texting me.” Her finger drums on the windowsill. She does it whenever she is thinking about saying something but second guessing herself. “Wanna come up?”

  I take my first full breath since I saw her name on his phone. “Yeah, I was thinking maybe I could show you that snugglefuck thing. See if you like it.”

  She wrinkles her nose. “Maybe just the snuggle?”

  “Deal.” I run to the door, taking the stairs three at a time and am winded by the time I get to her door. When she opens it I can see she has fully been crying. “What’s wrong?”

  She shakes her head, letting me in. “I just like you, and I don't want to wreck this by making it something before it’s time to make it something. For the first time ever I see something I want, but I want to deserve it. But I don’t know how to date. I keep making fun of my dad, but I think I’m just like him.”

  My heart feels like it’s breaking off in little chunks in my chest. I wrap myself around her, smelling her hair and kissing her head. She is beautiful, inside and out. Even if no one else ever sees it, I do. I think I like that the best about her. Her heart and soul are a secret only we share.

  She sniffs my jacket and looks up at me. “You actually smell like brothel.”

  “Andy wanted me to come to the club so I could see your name pop up on his phone.”

  She winces. “I swear I told him to suck it.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” I pull her to her shower, peeling off my jacket and shirt, tossing them on the back of a chair with my pants.

  “No underwear?”

  I shrug. “Laundry day.”

  She rolls her puffy eyes and lets me take her pajamas off. She’s a sight for sore eyes, so smooth and creamy. She hates how pale she is, but I like her coloring. She doesn't look as Jersey Shore as she did when I first met her.

  I run my hands down her arms, making goose bumps. I lower my face and have the oddest sensation. I want to kiss her slowly, taking in everything. When my lips meet hers it’s like coming home. I whisper into the kiss. “I want to deserve you too.”

  She comes alive, leaning into the kiss, pressing into me. I reach for the shower tap, slowly moving us into the spray but not losing contact between the dancing our mouths are doing.

  It feels like kissing for the first time, noticing the way her lips meet mine or the way her tongue slides into my mouth lazily caressing. We stand under the water, kissing and rubbing, without it ever going beyond that. My cock is at full attention, pressed between her ribs and my abdomen. I want nothing like I want to lift her up and fuck her with the same detail as the kiss, slow and thorough. But I don't. I just let the kiss be the show.

  Her hands start to weave into my hair, tugging a bit. She’s losing control of the passionate kissing and caressing. Her losing it makes me want to lose it, but I have a temporary hold over myself. At least until she bites my lip and sucks it into her mouth, sliding a wet hand down my shaft and gripping.

  Then neither of us has a single ounce of restraint.

  She drops to her knees, wrapping her mouth around me, pulling me in and stroking the base of my shaft and my balls. She slides a hand through my legs, gripping my ass cheeks. My hands slide into her hair, pulling her head in closer. She takes the thrust but stops it short of a proper deep throat and strokes with one hand as she caresses my balls with the other.

  It doesn't come close to the best blow job I’ve ever had, but there is something different about it. Something private and sensual.

  I lift her up, kissing her wet mouth and sliding my fingers between her pussy lips as the shower rains down on us. She moans into the kiss as I start to circle her clit. It’s erect and ready for attention, but she isn’t in the mood for foreplay. She wraps her arms around my neck and steps onto the small corner seat, wrapping her legs around me, climbing me like a tree.

  Our kissing is still just as intense as I lower her close to my cock, feeling around with the head for the right spot. She whimpers as I give a slight thrust, ensuring I am ball deep in her before I start to move in and out.

  Her breath against the side of my face is sporadic and gasped as she reaches up, grabbing the door to the shower. With her other hand she grabs the edge on the other side and digs her toes into the wall behind me, making for a perfect shower-fuck angle.

  I move us a little from the water spray so it doesn't wash away the lube we have naturally. It dawns on me then I’m bare back, but I can’t stop. She’s circling her hips and licking my neck. I grip her ass cheeks and pump wildly, truly enjoying the experience of my cock being bare.

  But she freezes up, shaking her head. “There are condoms in the top drawer.” It’s like she read my mind.

  I pull out, leaving her gripping to the shower like a spider monkey and grab a condom from the drawer. When it’s down over my shaft and snug, I turn the water off and lift her up, carrying her to the couch.

  She doesn't argue but pushes me onto the couch to lie and climbs on top. She swings her legs and climbs on reverse cowgirl, slowly lowering her wet pussy lips over my aching cock. I want to fuck her so badly.

  When she’s in my lap and gripping to me, I grab her ass and hips and start to move her, grinding against her as I work her pussy over me.

  She’s moaning, leaning forward and gripping to my thighs.

  I can’t take it anymore, the strain of wanting to fuck her is overwhelming, but she controls the speed. She leans forward and I slam her back down on my cock, thru
sting harder and harder. She wants to take it slow, I can feel it but my ache for her is too intense. Her soft skin combined with the smell of her is driving me wild. I reach up in front, cupping her breasts and rolling the nipples in my fingers, wanting so bad to bite them.

  Finally, she lets me control the thrust, making her ass bounce off my hips and abdomen.

  I lick up her back, wishing she were facing me so I could suck her nipples but her bouncing ass is more than I can take. My fingers lower to her hips, digging in and gripping to her, using her pussy to work my shaft.

  I’m aching to explode but I don't want it to end. She stops and spins around, dangling her erect nipples in my face as she lowers herself onto my cock again.

  She leans back but I need to suck her perfect pink nipples. So I grip her ass, scooping her into me and pressing her chest into my face. The first suck of her nipple sends a shiver up her body. She shudders and moans into my hair.

  I roll the other nipple and flick the one I’m sucking, sending her over the edge. She rides me like she IS trying to save a horse. She latches around my shaft as she convulses, coming all over me and bursting with wetness. I can’t take the slippery state of her tight pussy so I let it fly, pumping and thrusting to my heart’s content until I fill the condom, wishing it was her I was filling.

  She collapses on me as I jerk the last of my load into the condom. She shakes her head. “I think you have a one-track mind, cowboy.”

  I nod, still twitchy from the most rocking orgasm I’ve had in a while.

  “Want to try that shower again?”

  I nod again, not ready to talk about the fact she was sad and I can’t focus on anything but fucking her.

  She’s trying to be a good girl, and I just want to make her my bad girl, emphasis on MY.

  There is a lingering regret that tells me I might not be as good for her as I want to be.