Dear Naked Neighbour (The Dinner Club Book 1) Read online

  “Ashley’s on his way.” Phil swallowed hard. “Delete the picture.”

  “Fine,” Mike snarled and deleted.

  “And delete from the newly deleted file,” I said smugly.

  “I did,” he snapped, lifting his coffee to his lips.

  Lara brought the chai tea out, her eyes darting from Matt to Phil’s. “Anyone wanting to try the sweet potato pie? It was the special today.”

  Phil wrinkled his nose. “I’m going to stick with apple.” He was so boring.

  “No pie for me. I never got the extra workout in today.” Mike shook his head. Also boring.

  I was boring, but in the best way. “I’ll have the—”

  “I know,” she cut me off. “Coconut. I saved you the last piece.” She winked and I nodded.

  “Thanks.”

  “Of course.” Her eyes darted to Matt’s again. I wondered if she held her breath every time she stared at him, just praying this would be the moment he gave her a second glance. But he didn’t.

  “I’ll try it, YOLO.” He smiled, but it was the same smile as always. Her eyes lost the tiny shred of hope, clearly oblivious to his gayness. She liked him.

  “So you hitting the Pride parade this year?” Mike asked Matt, pointedly.

  Lara’s eyes widened and her cheeks blushed.

  “No.” Matt wrinkled his nose. “I never go to those things. It rains every year.”

  “Why not? They’re your people.” Mike folded his arms across his chest, darting his stare to Lara for a quick second.

  “Maybe because you’re my people, Mike.” Matt leaned across the table, resting his big hands on Mike’s arm. “I mean, sometimes when we work out—” He batted his long, dark lashes.

  “What the fuck!” Mike shook him off, turning beet red.

  Even Phil chuckled.

  “Okay. I’ll be back with your pie.” Lara swallowed hard, visibly uncomfortable, and left.

  I hated Mike sometimes.

  “Don't fight it, Mikey.” Matt smirked. “We both know how much you want this.”

  “Psh. You wish.” Mike rolled his eyes.

  Ashley finally arrived with Jamey, our unit’s personal IT girl. She wasn’t technically a member of the team, but she and Ash were best friends. I thought something might happen with them, but he had assured us all that he’d been burned so badly, there was no way he’d ever date again. And certainly not one of us.

  His ex-wife was one of us, a Mountie in charge of Ottawa’s undercover drug section. That’s where she’d met the guy she remarried, after having a year-long affair with him while she was his contact during his undercover work.

  It was one of the key reasons we maintained the “don’t shit where you eat” rule for our unit. Being all guys did help, especially since Matt was the only one who would date a guy, but even he maintained a fairly strict rule on cops.

  I was the only one who didn't care where a girl worked. I was also voted the least likely to ever get laid, so I didn't really count. And I didn’t care what they thought.

  A smile crested my lips as I remembered the girl I’d been seeing secretly last year when we got transferred to BC. Not one of them knew about her.

  “Hey, Jamey.” Mike grinned. He didn't notice that she constantly gave him the piss off expression. He never gave up.

  “Shithead,” she snarled her usual greeting and sat next to Phil. “Boys.” She sighed and sipped the peppermint tea Lara had brought for her.

  “All right, let’s get to the big stuff,” Phil spoke softly, although the coffee shop was empty. It always was that late at night. “The local uniforms just arrived at Hemple’s. They found a duffle bag of linens, blankets, and a pillow, lying on the floor, nothing else in it. There was no one in the house. The furnishings are slim pickings, like someone has just begun moving shit in there. But they did find a Roomba vacuum, with a bunch of helium-filled balloons attached to the top of it. It was on a timer to go off and vacuum the house at eight pm. It goes for hours. There was a heater on a timer too, creating a heat source inside the house for three hours. No drugs. No weapons. No people.”

  “Weird.” Matt cocked an eyebrow. “Why set it up?”

  “I don't know. But the inspector agrees we need to bug the shit outta that place. We need to figure out why Carter Hemple’s house is empty and why he isn’t there. We got approval for Dubhe’s car too. Him coming to the house creates a link we didn’t know about and the unit doesn’t like not knowing. Him being linked to anything is bad news, but another drug family is really bad.” Phil sipped his coffee, pausing as Lara came back with the last of the drinks and pieces of pie.

  Her eyes met mine as she laid the slice down. “I almost had to fight someone for this earlier.”

  “Thanks.” I nodded and lifted my fork.

  “If you guys need anything else, holler.” She smiled and sauntered back into the kitchen.

  “Bro, I think she actually likes you,” Matt muttered, nudging me.

  “No.” I almost laughed at that. “She’s all about you. Her face was pretty bad when Mike said the Pride thing.” I lifted the bite to my lips, sighing into the flavour. It was just like my grandma’s.

  “She might be into you,” Jamey mocked me. “You have a good jawline. There’s something really sexy about watching you eat that pie.”

  I choked on the bite, coughing as they all laughed. My face lit up, burning with embarrassment.

  “Oh fuck.” She slapped her hands over her eyes. “You assholes know that's not what I meant.”

  “Whatever.” Ashley shoved her. “No wonder you wanted to come. You like watching the boys eat pie.” He lifted his fingers in a V in front of his lips.

  “Jesus.” Phil wrinkled his nose. He always acted so old, but he was only eight years older than me.

  “I’m gonna be watching you choke on yours in a minute.” Her honey-brown eyes narrowed on Ashley’s.

  He chuckled and lowered his gaze. “I haven’t had that kind of pie in a long time.”

  “Liar.” Mike laughed. “Anyway. I think they’re onto us. If we bring the bugs in, they’re going to see us. Taking Dubhe’s car would be best. Maybe his phone too.”

  “Okay,” Phil said after a moment. “We’ll start there. You guys hit the car tomorrow night around one when he’s sleeping. Before we take it, see if you can’t get his phone at the casino when he’s there during the day. Sometimes he leaves it in the car.” He pointed at Matt and me. “Once you have the vehicle tomorrow night, everyone will meet at the chop shop at two am. I’ll sit guard on the house while it’s gone. We’ll have an hour and then it goes back. I don't want him calling it in.” Phil ate his pie in a couple of huge bites and drank back his coffee. “I gotta get home. The girls get up early. See you tomorrow.” He slid out of his seat and left as we all nodded and mumbled goodbyes.

  “Why me and you again?” Matt complained. “We always have to do the dirty work.”

  I eyed them all up and answered plainly, “Competence?”

  “Ha!” Jamey offered me her knuckles.

  “You wish.” Ashley sat back, taking in a huge drink of coffee. “It’s because you and Matt don't fight or fuck around.”

  I grimaced as Matt laughed. Ash winced when he realized what he had said. “You know what I mean. Matt and Mike together can’t be trusted. They dick around too much.” He lifted his hands as we all burst out laughing. “I’m done. I got nothing else.”

  Matt shook his head, chuckling. “You guys suck.”

  “No, you suck.” Mike lifted a brow.

  “Yeah, I do, Mike. Really well too.” Matt leaned in again.

  “Dude”—Mike pushed him off—“I already said no.”

  “I don't feel convinced by it.” Matt glanced at the rest of us.

  “No. I think he wants it. He protests just a little too much.” Jamey shook her head.

  “Holy shit!” Mike sat back, done his coffee. “I’m going home to wank it to that hot chick lotioning.” He said it rig
ht at me. “And then I’m gonna call whoever is in the rotation for a little round two.” He got up and waved. “Night, fuckers.”

  “Night, Mikey,” Matt said in a super girly tone and waved softly. It was weird to see him pretend to be that way. He was technically the manliest guy on our unit. Well, him and Phil. Matt fished, drank beer, hiked, played football, golfed, hunted, chased ass, and worked out a lot. He didn't do wimpy things like CrossFit or talk about his feelings. He was a man’s man. My dad liked him way better than he liked me, even after he found out Matt was gay.

  Unfortunately, Matt’s dad liked me better. And not because I was manly. But because I liked girls. Matt had those parents. When he came out, his dad didn't talk to him for two years afterwards. They started talking a couple of months ago but it was still tense. He had talked me into coming home with him twice to cut the tension.

  His dad made me drink beer and watch a football game. It was awful.

  Matt was the son he had wanted, minus one tiny detail.

  His father was a shithead.

  I hated him.

  Mike reminded me of him sometimes.

  Matt gave me a look, fighting a yawn. “You ready for bed?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded.

  “Shotgun being big spoon.” Matt lost the battle with his yawn.

  “It’s my turn,” I muttered dryly as I got up. “See ya tomorrow.” We waved at Ashley and Jamey, leaving them there.

  When we were in my car Matt sighed. “So we’ll go do the casino run in the afternoon, see if we can’t get his phone, and then go home for a nap. Then you’ll pick me up tomorrow around midnight?”

  “Yeah.” I started the car and drove down the road. “Why are they calling you SS now?”

  “Simon sucker.” He laughed. “I told you that you didn't want to know.”

  “What?” I grimaced. “How the hell did I get brought into your nickname?”

  “Remember when I said I was going on a date with that guy who worked at the bank?”

  “Yeah.” I was still lost.

  “His name’s also Simon. I accidentally texted Mike a note that said I had a great night and it was nice meeting him, and if he was into it, maybe we could hook up again.” He chuckled. “Of course Mike flipped and told me to fuck off. I said it was for Simon. He went from there.”

  “And Mike thought me?” I had a hard time believing that.

  “No. He knew it wasn’t you, but he rode me like it might have been. And now they’re all calling me SS. Which is mostly making fun of you.”

  “That makes sense.” I pulled into the driveway of his house. He had wanted a condo in downtown Vancouver so bad, but we didn’t get put downtown. We got placed in a suburb, sort of far from the city.

  “Yeah, anything to make fun of you. It’s your own fault really. You make it too easy.” He slapped me on the arm and got out. “See ya tomorrow around three.”

  I almost sighed with relief that he’d forgotten about the lunchtime workout he had planned for us, but then he paused and lowered his head back in. “Scratch that. I’ll see ya around noon, for the beating of a lifetime.”

  “Right. Is that tomorrow?”

  “Yes. Rest up. It’s gonna burn.” He waved and slammed the car door.

  “Light door,” I murmured to myself and backed out, excited to finally be going home to bed.

  Chapter Two

  Dry skin

  “Meehov, his car isn’t home,” I spoke into the mic attached to my jacket as I did a loser lap around the block at Dubhe’s house.

  “Yeah, I saw that. Where is he?” Matt muttered. “We have half an hour to find his stupid car.”

  “Four, is he at the girlfriend’s house yet?”

  “Negatory, Seventeen. Her driveway is empty. She is in the bath. Her curtains are way harder to peek through.” Mike used his lecherous tone.

  “You’re disgusting. I’m headed back to the hot house.” I sighed, hoping Phil would chime in with other ideas while I drove the twenty minutes it took to get there.

  “Yeah, that sounds like a plan,” he grumbled. “Nine, you go to the casino and check the parking lot again. I don't think he’ll be there, but you never know. Four, stay at the girlfriend’s house.”

  Night shift was a huge part of our job. An exhausting part for a single dad with two small girls. I didn’t know how Phil did it.

  “I’m on your six, Seventeen,” Matt whispered creepily.

  “Being the little spoon doesn’t count as losing the V-card, Seventeen,” Mike taunted me.

  “Okay.” I rolled my eyes, wishing I had a better comeback. I needed to work on that. I’d come up with something hours from now, but it wouldn’t be useful.

  When I got to the hot house, I parked on the opposite side of the road from where Ash had been the night before and slipped from my car, pretending to be going to a neighbour’s house. I snuck into their backyard and hurried along the property to the fence line, jumping it. The house was empty, for sale actually. We’d contemplated buying it and using it as a base but decided it was too close. And maybe too obvious.

  As I made it over the fence into the naked girl’s yard—the lotion girl’s—the bathroom light flicked on. I paused next to her trash cans and waited, holding my breath. She passed the window, lifting a hand to her face and rubbing her eyes.

  “Shit,” I whispered, seeing she was naked, again. Did this chick not own clothes?

  The window was oddly positioned, giving far more of a vantage point into the bathroom than one would expect. She sat on the toilet, still allowing me a full view of her face and neck.

  She was stunning.

  Stunning enough to freeze me right in my spot and to stare like a letch, or Mike.

  My mouth dried from breathing like a pervert next to the window.

  “Dude, are you seriously standing in the light watching this shit? Move into the shadows, weirdo,” Matt came over the radio. “And stop touching yourself.”

  I flinched, realizing what he was saying and what I was doing, and hurried along the house to the back side, checking for the car.

  “I wasn’t touching myself, ass.” My cheeks burned in the cool night air.

  “Did Seventeen just see it? Did he get the show?” Mike burst onto the radio. “Did he pull his pud right there in her yard?”

  “He did.” Matt laughed.

  “Jesus, she must have dry skin or something, rubbing on all that lotion,” Ashley chimed in.

  “She was peeing this time,” Matt corrected him.

  “Oh, man, even better,” Mike groaned, grasping what I’d been watching and hearing. I had heard her taking that piss and I still stared.

  “Guys, cut the shit,” Phil barked, making me jump.

  “I just have to say one more thing before we cut the shit, Gramps. Seventeen, did you just Forest Gump in your pants?” His voice shook with laughter. “Oh, Jenny.”

  “His car’s here,” I ignored him and my burning face as I whispered into my radio from behind the shed at the far side of her yard.

  “Ten four,” Matt spoke low but sounded like he was out of breath. Seconds later he ran up the alley, slipping up next to the car.

  I ran to the naked girl’s back fence, jumped it, and slid up next to him as he picked the lock and hopped inside, opening the door for me. We stayed low as he started it and backed it out.

  “I’ll stay here and watch the hot house, make sure no one moves or wakes,” Phil whispered as Matt and I drove off. “Everyone else to the shop.”

  When we got one block away Matt turned, grinning. “So?”

  “Stop,” I snapped, pushing up my glasses.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you make that face before, the mouth-breathing one.” He grinned harder. “I think your spectacles were fogging up.”

  “She’s hot, so what?” I shook my head, desperately hoping for indifferent instead of embarrassed.

  “You don’t have to be embarrassed. Everyone peeks. It’s human nature.” He fl
at out laughed.

  “The light flicked on as I was halfway across the side yard. I froze, hoping she wouldn’t see me. That’s all.” I didn’t meet his gaze. He would know. He knew me better than anyone.

  “Okay,” he offered to my lame comeback, fully mocking me, “I mean, I thought I might have seen some movement, but clearly I was wrong.” He eyed me up.

  “Yup.” There might have been movement. I might have almost been rock hard; I wasn’t ever going to own it.

  Ever.

  At the chop shop—our own personal chop shop—Mike and Ashley were waiting for us. Both were grinning, clearly about to burst into laughter the moment they saw me.

  “She peed right in front of you? Was the window open? Could you hear it?” Mike waggled his dark eyebrows.

  “No. Jesus. Focus,” I snapped. As second in command, I could bark that order, just a little.

  “Liar.” Matt popped the hood and the trunk. “Window was wide open. I could hear it from where I was. She pees like she might be more my type than yours.”

  Mike wrinkled his nose. “I’m not really into chicks with dicks but she’s pretty hot.”

  “Holy fuck!” I turned, red-faced and ready to lose it. “We have forty minutes to load this car up. Let’s get it done.”

  It was Mike’s turn to redden. Matt and Ash jumped.

  “You gotta be able to take it if you’re gonna dish,” Mike whimpered.

  “That’s the thing, Mike. I don’t really dish, do I?” It was the truth and they knew it.

  “He’s got a point.” Matt gestured at me from the hood of the car. “He doesn’t. His comebacks are the worst ever so they don’t count.”

  Ash and Mike snickered.

  Matt saved the day again, making my little outburst lighter.

  I didn’t offer anything else. I wasn’t in the mood for any more shit. I hated the fact I’d been caught staring at her peeing, like some disgusting pervert. My own actions were bugging me more than anything.

  We loaded the car up with cams and bugs, along with a GPS.

  The three of them joked a bit, although tension still lingered in the air. I worked and ignored everything else.