The Light of the World Page 4

  I catch a glimpse of his boxers and avert my eyes, "How long have I been here?" I'm glad he never slept in the sheets with me.

  He stretches, "Two days. You slept mostly. You had a high fever and threw up a lot. I think you had the flu."

  "You never thought, maybe you should take me to a doctor?"

  He shakes his head, "No, your friends came and said for sure you were just sick. They said you'd been coming down with it for a few days. I phoned the nurse hotline. They said sleep and fluids. Apparently it's going around campus."

  I move my head and notice I feel better. Amazingly better. "I'm starving."

  He leans in and kisses my shoulder, "Good. Me too. I have hardly eaten. Lucky I keep rations in here."

  I'm not comfortable with the shoulder kiss.

  "You stayed the whole time?"

  He looks wounded, "Of course. I wouldn’t have left you alone in here." He grins and his face looks cocky, "Not wearing what you're wearing."

  My eyes narrow. He laughs.

  "Who was the man watching me from the arm chair?" I feel a chill when I see the chair and recall him.

  "What man?"

  I point to the chair across the huge room, "The man who was in that chair. It was dark and he was sitting there. He had his legs crossed and he looked annoyed. Older with a sweater on."

  "There was no man. No one has come here except Mona and Michelle. You must have been dreaming."

  I let it go, but I know I wasn’t dreaming. The man was real. He was creepy. His eyes looked like mine. They were gray and I swear a light came out of them.

  He pulls me into him and kisses my neck. I feel frozen and not caught up in the instant relationship we seem to have. The sparks start where he touches me. My stomach hurts. I pull away and wrap myself tighter in the blankets.

  "You okay?"

  I look back at him and shake my head, "No. I know I owe you for taking care of me, but I don’t want to owe that. This. Whatever this is."

  He frowns, "You're kind of a bitch, you know that? I'm being nice and trying to help and you act like I've got a hidden agenda. I'm not doing it to get in your granny panties." He smirks again.

  I cover my face, "Oh my god. I need to go home. I need to borrow some clothes."

  He hugs me and kisses the top of my head, "You smell. You should shower first."

  I shake my head, "I'm not showering here. This is a den of sin. I can sense the virgins who have come here, only to have their innocence stolen. I don’t even want to think about this bed and the things you’ve done in here. You guys probably have Wiserhood meetings in here."

  He laughs, "You're weird."

  "You're weird. And in a frat. Which means you're slutty, probably."

  He nods toward the bathroom, "And she's bitchy again. Take that shower." He leans in, "You smell. It's almost vomit mixed with something like honey or beeswax candles maybe. Your breath is bad. Use my toothbrush."

  I look horrified, "What? Eww. No. Dude. Never share toothbrushes. You can get plaque bacteria from other people and mess up the Ph in your mouth."

  "Kissing can do it too."

  I blush. I remember the kiss. I remember him holding me and his lips pressed against mine. I remember his hands on my bare skin and his tongue in my mouth. I remember liking it. All of it.

  He pushes my hair back from my eyes. "I have a shower in my room. It’s the suite. Only the seniors get it. Go jump in and I'll put some clothes in the bathroom."

  I nod at the wall and point, "Turn around."

  He laughs, "I saw all there was to see when I was taking the vomit covered clothes off of you."

  "I wasn’t aware of it then. Now I am. Turn around."

  "You always wear granny panties?"

  I snarl, "Yes. Turn around."

  He turns around, "You need to go underwear shopping. I can come if you need help choosing."

  "You're an asshole and I don’t want new underwear. Mine is organic unbleached cotton. It's good for my body."

  I creep from the bed and run into the bathroom and close the door. I look at myself in the mirror and almost scream. My hair is sticking up all over. Makeup is all over my face. A fake eyelash is stuck to the side of my face. I never even knew I was wearing them. My fingers shake as I pull the other one from my other eye.

  I turn on the shower and peel my clothes off. The hot water feels amazing. I can't help but be pissed at my friends. Mona is new, so she is kind of off the hook, but Michelle has been my friend since we were five. How could she leave me here? They should have made him bring me home.

  He has no conditioner so I wash my hair twice with his Axe shampoo and body wash. I smell like a dude and will have to condition my hair at some point. I climb out and grab a towel. I smell it to be sure. It's got the Bounce freshness my friends houses always had. Not like my house, where the laundry always smells like tea tree oil. I towel off and pull on the huge black shirt and boxers he has left me on the counter. I ball my underwear and bandeau up in my hand and hang the towel up. His bathroom is nice. It's pretty clean for a twenty-one year old guy. I scrub his toothbrush with antibacterial soap and brush my teeth. It feels amazing to be clean and have fresh breath.

  I leave the bathroom, nervous. Nervous of being alone and clean. I make a silent pact I will not lose my virginity in his dirty frat bed. No matter what. Not matter how I seem to feel about him.

  He is still in his boxers on the bed. I notice for the first time he has tattoos. A black band around his left bicep and a blade coming up the underside of his right arm. His chest has a tribal looking thing in a circle. It's big and black with something red in the middle. It looks like there is writing on the other side of the chest tat, but I can't see it because he's lying on his side.

  He smirks, "You look better."

  I shake my head, "That was gross. I never wear makeup so I had a tough time getting it all off. Axe is apparently not makeup remover."

  I look at the door and the bed and my romper on the floor. I pick it up and roll it into the ball of clothes I'm holding.

  "Well thanks and I guess I'll see you around."

  He smirks, "You don’t want to climb back in here and repay me? I mean you owe me right?" He smiles like the wolf would to the bunny.

  I laugh and shake my head. I pick up my one shoe and look around for the other. I hold it up, "I have to get going. Where is the other one?"

  "You lost it on the way out of the bar."

  I grimace, "Shit. Not my shoe. Mona's gonna have a fit." I walk to the door barefoot and smile back, "Thanks again."

  He looks pissed. "Stay."

  I shake my head. He scares me. His intensity scares me. The way I like him scares me. I don’t know him. "No. I can't. I have to go. I haven’t called my mom in a while. She's going to freak. I need to get ready. Classes start soon, so. See ya 'round. Thanks for everything. I owe you dinner or something. Something friendly."

  I open the door and make the walk of shame. It's almost the run of shame. I know I look like the biggest slut ever. One shoe, a ball of vomit covered clothing, and leaving a frat house in an oversized black t-shirt and men's underwear. The guys in his house smirk and smile and grin and make every face imaginable. I get a couple whistles and few cat calls. I ignore them.

  Thankfully his house and my building aren’t too far apart. I keep my gaze ahead and try to piece together my missing two days.

  If my mom smudging my building didn’t almost kill me, walking the hallway was going to. Everyone smirks and nods. The blonde with the mean girl glare laughs and gives me a thumbs up.

  I almost fall into the room. I slam the door and press my back into the closed door and wait for it.

  Mona smiles, "Hey you. How are you feeling?"

  I frown, not what I was expecting. "I lost one of your shoes."

  She points to the closet. "I got it back at the bar. They had it in the lost and found."

  I toss my dirty clothes into a pile on the floor and look at her. "You left me at his
place?"

  She bites her lip and smiles, "He's so sweet and nice and I think he's really into you. When I got there he was putting cold clothes on your forehead and you were smiling at him and passing out. You were really sick."

  I flop onto my bed, "Yeah I should have seen a doctor. I wouldn’t have left you with some random dude."

  She looks confused, "He's not some random. I saw you making out with him and I know you were sober. Michelle said you guys kinda had a thing going on."

  I cover my face with my hands, "School hasn’t even started yet. For Christ's sake. I shouldn’t be this into a guy. The first guy that looks at me. Ahhh. I'm becoming one of those girls. You know. The girls who lose their virginity in a frat bed."

  She laughs, "Eww you were sick. You didn’t? Not while you were sick?"

  I shake my head, with my hands still covering my face, "No I didn’t but oh my god I wanted to. What is wrong with me? He was laying there with boxers and tattoos and I thought dirty thoughts. Lots of them."

  I lift a hand and look at the shit-eating grin crossing her lips, "You need to do some poses Mrs. I-Don’t-Get-Urges."

  I laugh and rub my eyes.

  "That is normal for a girl like you. You're sheltered and now for the first time ever you're partying and making out with boys."

  I shake my head, "Eww. No. I don’t want to have this talk."

  My phone vibrates and she scowls, "Dude that thing has been making ungodly noises all effing weekend."

  I pick it up and see the hundred texts from my mom.

  Yikes.

  'Nene call me'

  'Nene where r u?'

  'Okay I'm getting worried now'

  'Look kid you call or I'm coming there'

  'Fine be there at lunch'

  'Is your phone dead'

  'Fine be that way. Be the irresponsible kid who breaks her mother's heart when she goes off to college'

  'dammit Nene'

  'I had a bad dream about you last night. There was a man watching you sleep in an armchair and he was evil'

  WTF, how could she have had the same dream as me? That's never happened before.

  'I think it means you are feeling sad about a boy'

  'Nene'

  I stop reading and dial home. My hand is shaking.

  "You okay?"

  I glance at Mona and nod.

  Willow doesn’t answer the phone like she normally would. She screams so loud Mona can hear her. I hold the phone away from my face as she blasts me.

  "What the hell is your problem? How can you leave for college and not send me a message or a phone call for four days? I've been worried sick."

  "Hi Willow."

  "Hi Willow. Hi Willow. Are you kidding me?"

  "Mom stop. I was sick. I got the flu. I've been asleep for two days."

  "Don’t mom me Rayne Willow Whynde Phillips. I was worried. Who is the boy?"

  I sigh into the phone. "His name is Wyatt. He's nice. He helped when I was sick."

  "Okay, well you better be sure he's nice and you better not be doing anything you shouldn’t be doing."

  "Mom I'm nineteen years old. I can do things I want to do. I can choose for myself. I never did anything. I was sick."

  "Rayne please stop calling me mom. You know how I feel about labels. I'm sorry I called you kid. Did you sleep in your room every night? No meat or sex right? You know it'll age you and waste your chi."

  I pinch the bridge of my nose and count backwards, "I was sick Willow, and my phone was dead. I slept in my room." I glance at Mona who stifles a laugh.

  "What did you have for dinner? Did it have active plant enzymes or bacteria?"

  I nod and lie, "Yeah it did. Vegan menu remember."

  She sighs, "I love you and miss you. I just think maybe this was too soon for school. Most studies show the most successful career choices are made when a person is in their thirties."

  I shake my head, I'm done. "I love you and I will call next weekend okay?"

  "A whole week?"

  "Four days Willow, not a week. It's Monday. I will call Saturday."

  "Fine. I'll send a care pack."

  I know it's pointless to argue, "Okay. I'd like that."

  "Want the carob bark?"

  I nod rapidly, as if she can see me, "Yes. Yes please. Love you."

  "Love you too."

  I put the phone down and Mona bursts into laughter. "She is so awesome. I want to be friends with her. She is intense."

  I give her my best eff off look and lie back down. "You wouldn’t make it through the colonics."

  Chapter Five

  I'm not avoiding him as much as I am avoiding myself. I grip my books tight the first time I see him. I think he's watching me but I can't be sure. He is talking to someone and I see his eyes dart my way. I bow my head and almost break into a run.

  "Rayne wait up." He says goodbye to the guy he's talking to and then runs to where I am. He looks sexy. He has a dress shirt on and the sleeves are rolled up. Some of his tattoos stick out through the bottoms of the sleeves. His forearms are big. He's very muscled for someone as tall and lean as he is. I blush remembering the way he looked all messy and in his boxers. I want to touch his tattoos.

  His dark hair and blue eyes suit the pale blue dress shirt and dark jeans. I bet he smells good.

  "Hey." I mutter it and pick up the pace. I just want to pretend I barely know him. Not made out with him and slept in his bed.

  In my granny panties no less.

  "Where have you been?"

  I don’t say the Living and Learning Center or anywhere I think you won't go. Instead I shrug, nonchalantly. "Around."

  He looks confused, "I tried calling you a few times."

  I never gave him my number, "What?"

  He nods and looks around, "Yeah I got your number from Michelle. You never answered."

  I swallow hard, "I never saw the calls." I'm lying. I don’t know why. Just like I don’t know why I never answered his calls. I never knew it was him, but the calls made the magic in my tummy hurt. Something about him makes me feel unclean. I can feel it now.

  "Want to have dinner tonight?"

  I shake my head. My stomach starts to feel uneasy. "I can't. I have a night class." I don’t really. I have a study group. It's our first night.

  "Night class. Which one?"

  "Study group."

  "So not a class?"

  I shake my head. He makes me nervous or I make myself nervous when he's around.

  He puts his hands on my arms and pulls me into him, "Hey are you mad at me? You know I was joking right? You don’t owe me anything. Especially not what I was joking about. I mean, unless you want to owe me. In which case you can start repaying me anytime."

  I scowl, "Ewww. No I have to go. I have stuff to do."

  His grin is boyish again, "I'm kidding. You're so tense. Really you aren’t mad at me right?"

  I can't be. His boyish charm and cocky smile have me beaten down. My arms spark from his touch. It almost burns. My belly starts to feel funny. I'm starving.

  I shake my head, "No."

  "It's been two weeks and I've gone to your dorm, phoned you. Why are you avoiding me?"

  I shake my head and notice the tension in his fingers on my arm, "I'm not. I swear. I've just been busy and trying to figure out classes and stuff."

  His eyes burn when he looks at me. I gulp.

  He bends his face and kisses my cheek, "Let me walk you to your next class."

  I feel heat everywhere, "I have to go home. My classes are over till later. Till study group. I need to get ready for study group." I am a moron and a bad liar.

  He puts an arm around me and leads. I feel my legs walk with him.

  "Let me take you to an early dinner."

  He swallows my hand in his and pulls me along the grass. If I'm not careful I think he will swallow all of me up.

  His car is nice. Nicer than I thought it would be. I never thought that he would be rich but when I see his
car I know he is. It's a sleek looking white-silver Lexus. I don’t know anything about cars, but I know this one is expensive. It has three mufflers in a triangle and says LFA on the back. The interior is blood red and black. It looks futuristic. I want to touch everything, but instead I watch him.

  He drives sporadically. Fast and then slow. Jerky and then calm. It's like he's trying to hide his true speedy self from me. He talks about his frat brothers and how the freshmen were a great selection this year. I don’t pay attention. I watch him. Him and the conflict he is trying to hide.

  The restaurant is a pasta house.

  He grins at me from across the table. I don’t know what he's grinning at.

  "What?"

  He shakes his head, "You seem weird. You sure you're not pissed at me?"

  I shrug, "Yeah. I'm just, you know. Embarrassed. I don’t know what happened those two days. I woke up in your bed and smelled like barf and sweat and I'm embarrassed."

  He leans across the table and his sweet boyish smile makes my stomach ache, "I swear I never touched you and all you did was sleep. In and out of sleep. Your friends came and got water down your throat a couple times and then you would sleep. Once you ate broth that Michelle made. You don’t remember?"

  I shake my head and drag my finger up and down the condensation on the glass of cold water in front of me.

  "You're safe with me. You were then and you are now. So can we move past it?" I realize his thumb is massaging my palm. Our hands are stretched across the table. I don’t remember letting him touch me. The heat and sparks are making me feel funny. I'm starving and my stomach is hurting again.

  I pull my hands away and sit up properly, "I'm not going to have sex with you."

  He laughs, "I know that. I never asked if you wanted sex. I just want you to give me a chance."

  "You asked if I wanted to repay you."

  "I never said sex. Maybe I meant helping with my essays or cleaning my room. Besides you're not really my type."

  "Why dinner and phone calls and taking care of me if you don’t like me? Seems like a lot of effort for a girl you don’t like?" I'm being a bitch again. I try to offer a smile at his incredulous look. I know he can't believe I'm so rude. I can't either. Something about him creates conflict.