Dear Naked Neighbour (The Dinner Club Book 1) Read online

  Her head tilted as though she was inspecting me in the moonlight. I felt as naked as a man could.

  She took a step forward, leaning towards me. “Well hello.” She paused and then walked closer until we were directly in front of each other. “I’m not gonna lie, Simon, that is not what I expected to find in your pants after seeing you in the jogging pants. I knew it was big, but not this big.” She reached forward, wrapping her cool fingers around my fully erect cock. “Were you supposed to be twins and somehow your dick absorbed his body in the womb?” She glanced up, still mildly squeezing me.

  “No.” I didn’t know what to say.

  “Congratulations.” She chuckled.

  “Thanks.” It was weird to be having this conversation while she held my dick.

  But everything about her was weird.

  She let go and ran her cool hands up my torso until they reached my neck. Then she wrapped her arms around me and stepped on her tiptoes to kiss me.

  I came to life.

  I wrapped around her, squishing her chest into mine and cupping her ass. I spread her cheeks a tiny bit, digging my fingers in. She climbed me, folding her legs around my waist and clinging to me. I staggered to the bed, letting her down and crawling on top of her, kissing her neck and shoulders until I reached the perfect peaks of her creamy breasts. Her bikini tan stood out in the moonlight, showing much paler skin. I flicked a nipple, sucking gently as I gaged how she liked things by the moans coming from her.

  Pinching the other nipple lightly, I played with them both as she writhed beneath me, her hand coming up to rub and stroke my cock.

  I wanted to dive right in, fuck her until I couldn’t see straight, but I needed to explore. I needed to make sure she was ready.

  Slowly I lowered myself, kissing my way down her torso, pausing at her stomach, letting my chin brush against the soft mound below.

  She breathed heavily, rotating her hips and moaning.

  When I got low enough that I had to drop onto my knees on the floor, I dragged her ass to the edge of the bed, spreading her open for me.

  She was glorious. She smelled like honey and when I started placing kisses on her inner thighs, I knew she would taste that way.

  I dragged my thumb up and down her slit, gently rubbing against her clit and back down into the moisture she was producing, getting her wet everywhere.

  I kissed all the places she didn’t want me to, avoiding the one she did, for several minutes. Then, when she was almost touching herself, I dove in, lapping at her. The scent and taste together drove me insane.

  I slid a finger into her, feeling her tighten on me as she cried out. I focused my mouth on her clit as I rubbed her G spot until she was there. She writhed and rotated and straightened her legs, jerking with the orgasm. I’d been jerking myself with my free hand, staying hard and prepared.

  As she finished I climbed back onto the bed, spreading her legs. I double-checked in her eyes to see if she was ready for what I was packing. The lust and insanity of her orgasm lingered, suggesting she was. I grabbed a condom from the nightstand, out of the box I’d brought with me from Toronto since that was the last time I’d had sex. I pulled it on, stroking my cock a couple of times as I stared down on her.

  I dragged my cock up and down her slit, lubing up, and then slowly pushed into her. She gasped, tightening and then relaxing as I carefully pushed in.

  I didn’t have an abnormal cock. It wasn’t the kind where girls turned you down out of fear. It was the kind where they needed a second to get it all in. I learned that the first few times having sex.

  Once I was all in, I slowly thrusted a couple of times, stretching her and filling her up.

  “Oh fuck. Oh God.” She breathed, gripping me. Her nails dug in, dragging me forward. I lowered into her nape, kissing and pausing with all of me inside. “Fuck me hard,” she whispered. “Oh God, fuck me hard.”

  I pulled out, pushing back in a little rougher, testing the water.

  She moaned.

  I sat up, lifting her legs and ass and gripped her hips, thrusting in harder.

  She moaned again and put her feet on my shoulders, adjusting her position.

  I hammered into her, pumping as hard as I could. She felt amazing, tight and yet able to take the hammering.

  “Oh God,” she cried out, turning her head and clutching the pillow. The sight was something I never imagined in all my life I would see. She was perfection. The way she lay there, kissed by moonlight and filled with my cock, brought me to a different level of turned on. I grabbed her hips harder, letting her legs push against me to lift her ass, and pummelled her. I fucked her until I couldn’t see straight.

  I came with fury, blind fucking fury, even crying out myself.

  When I finished, I pulled out and flopped onto the bed next to her, breathing heavily.

  She took several deep breaths before turning and nodding. “Congratulations.”

  “Thanks.” I chuckled. I didn’t mention the two years of intense sexual training I’d taken with my ex. She was the most vocal girl I’d ever met, giving full detail of what she wanted and didn’t.

  Apparently, it paid off.

  Because the most beautiful girl I’d ever met wrapped herself in me, pulled the covers up, and fell asleep.

  Chapter Ten

  A lot of pie

  I finished the blueberry bread French toast and sausages off in the oven while I waited for her to wake up. She came staggering out of the room in a tee shirt of mine and a pair of boxers. Blood rushed to my dick just seeing it.

  “Did you order out?” she asked as she sat at the small kitchen table.

  “No.” I poured her a coffee and added the cream, just like she had in the restaurant. I handed her the coffee.

  “You’re smart, hot, amazing in bed, you have a good job, you don’t live with your mom, you remember my coffee order, and you can cook?” She lifted a brow. “Where have you been all my life?”

  “In Toronto.” I cracked a grin, blushing and not wanting to talk about sex. “Except the first six years as RCMP. I was in Northern New Brunswick for that. In tiny French towns with nothing going on. I taught myself to cook there. I almost got scurvy that first year eating Kraft Dinner and ramen.” I pulled the food from the oven and plated it. I handed her a plate and smiled. “Breakfast is served.”

  “You are the perfect man, Simon.” She took the dish. “Is that blueberry bread?”

  “Yeah, it’s blueberry brioche.” I sat across from her and scooped some of the fresh-cut fruit onto my plate with my French toast and sausage. “I get it at a bakery downtown. A Bread Affair.”

  “Oh okay, on Johnston.”

  “That’s the one.” I cut off a bite and closed my eyes as it hit my lips. It was perfect.

  “I like watching you eat.”

  I popped open my eyes. “What?”

  She grinned. “You have a great jawline and soft lips. Watching you eat is nice.”

  I paused chewing and tried not to feel awkward.

  “Don’t stop, just keep eating. You love food. I like that.” She cut some up and took a bite, moaning and nodding. “Oh my God, this is amazing.”

  It was probably the best breakfast I’d ever had.

  “Can I shower?” she asked after we had eaten.

  “Yeah. You can steal some of my clothes.”

  “Thanks. I’m gonna steal your toothbrush too.”

  “Don’t.” I winced. “I have a Costco pack under the sink.”

  “Wanna shower with me?” She bit her lip.

  “Yeah.” I walked to her, semi-hard like I’d been all morning.

  She took my hand and dragged me to the bathroom. I cringed at the state of things. The house wasn’t messy, but it also wasn’t cleaning lady day. Gillian came every two weeks and this wasn’t her week.

  Callie didn’t seem to notice. She dragged off the clothes she’d borrowed and started the water. Seeing her in my bathroom was intense. I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten this
lucky but I didn’t dare ask, in case she started to see I wasn’t even close to the perfect guy.

  When I stepped in, I flinched away. The water was scalding, but she didn’t seem to notice. It was making her flesh bright red. When she closed her eyes under the water I turned it down a tiny bit.

  It still burned when it hit me, but not as badly.

  Of course it was worth it to burn, just to stand next to her as she soaped up, lathering her breasts in soap and squishing them.

  She caught me staring and handed me the soap, holding her arms out.

  I gulped but started to wash her. I went for the least perverted spots, her hands and wrists, first.

  “Oh my God, just soap me up. I know you want to.” She was so confident.

  I took a deep breath and began lathering the rest of her.

  Her skin was soft and yet firm under the soap. I kneaded with my fingers, massaging almost. She turned around and I washed her back and legs, squeezing her ass cheeks. Finally, I got to the spot I wanted to wash: her breasts. I massaged them, ignoring my raging erection and getting her cleaner than she’d ever been.

  She rinsed and took the soap, washing me, running her fingers up and down my arms, chest, and back. She soaped my butt and legs, and when I turned around, she started stroking my cock and balls, massaging soap into them. She jerked me off with the soap, squeezing and twirling her fingers.

  My knees almost buckled as she magically made jerking off into something better than anything I’d ever felt.

  Then she pushed me under the spray, rinsing me and jerking me with the water.

  I groaned, taking my breaths in huffs.

  She pulled me from the water again, dropping to her knees and taking me in her mouth. I shuddered as she took more in than anyone ever had.

  She continued to massage my balls and jerk me while she sucked. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back, moaning and thrusting softly.

  I got lost in the pleasure and hadn’t realized how close I was to coming. When I did, I glanced down. “I’m gonna come.”

  “I know.” She sucked the head, massaging the front of my cock, right in the sweet spot.

  She moved back, jerking me off until I came, gripping the top of the shower and trying to remain standing. She let me shoot all over her chest, continuing to squeeze until the last drop.

  I shuddered and twitched, suddenly vulnerable and weak.

  She stood up, rinsing herself off.

  It was the best shower I’d ever taken.

  When we finished in the shower, I took her giving me an orgasm as a hint she wanted another one. I couldn’t fuck again, not yet, but I could make her come.

  It resulted in another shower.

  I’d never been so clean.

  By the afternoon I was exhausted—we’d fucked and eaten all day. When my phone buzzed with an invite to a barbeque at Matt’s with the guys and Jamey, I wrinkled my nose, never planning on leaving the house again. Or letting her leave. I was about to become Norman Bates, locking her inside forever. We didn’t need daylight or other people or money. We could fuck and eat whatever was in my fridge and freezer until we ran out.

  “What is that?” she asked, staring at the phone.

  “Matt wanting me to come to a barbeque.”

  “Oh. Is he the cute gay one?” she pondered.

  “Yeah, you knew he was gay?”

  “Immediately. He reminded me of my brother Andrew. He’s gay too.”

  “Weird.” I didn’t spill the beans on the whole Andrew-Matt thing. That was a story no one needed to hear. Two dudes too drunk to get it up was not hot.

  “Will Mike be there?” She bit her lip.

  “Yeah.” I scowled. “It’s why I don’t want to go.”

  “I could come with you,” she offered, obviously up to something.

  “What?”

  “Stop saying that.” She chuckled. “I could come and we could hang out. I could meet your friends.”

  “Why?” I narrowed my gaze.

  “Because I want to make Mike suffer.” She said it bluntly, “He told me last night he had hunted me down on your system and social media and planned on lurking at all the places I went to until we met organically, only you did it first.” She raised her eyebrows.

  “You hunted me down.” I pointed out. “But that makes sense. He’s a creep when it comes to ladies.”

  “Let me torture him.” She batted her long inky lashes at me.

  It sounded like a terrible plan but she’d sucked all the protest out of me. I had no strength. Especially when she asked like that.

  “Okay.” I nodded. “But Phil might have kids there, so PG torture. And whatever it is, you have to include Jamey. She loves tormenting Mike.”

  “I wouldn’t go below the belt.” She got up, throwing on her dirty clothes. “We need to stop by my place.”

  “Fine.” I didn’t like the idea of going to her house. In fact, I wanted her to move and never go back to that house, but it wasn’t realistic.

  We drove to her house and she changed. I waited in the car. She came out in a sexy outfit. My jaw dropped. I forgot I’d seen her naked all day and needed to see it again. She was perfect. She wore a drapey dark-grey tee shirt with cut-off jean shorts and black boots that came to her knees. Her hair was loose and long and her makeup was flawless. I sighed as she grabbed her helmet and passed it to me. “Here.”

  I got out of the car. “I can’t leave my car here.” I darted my gaze at Carter’s house.

  “I’ll follow you back to your place then and we’ll go on my bike from there.”

  “Why don’t we just—”

  “Part of the plan,” she cut me off. “He’s going to mock you for riding bitch on my bike. Trust me.” She truly was the female version of Matt.

  “Okay.” I started the car and drove back home, parking and getting on the back of her bike.

  I wore her helmet and she wore sunglasses. I tried not to be a little bitch about riding bitch on a deathtrap. Senseless deathtrap. The West Coast was dreary and cold. It made no sense to have one. Why die this way?

  When we got to Matt’s, the guys came to the window to watch us get off. Jaws dropped and eyes bugged out of their heads.

  “See.” She nudged me. “See how smug he is? He’s making bitch jokes right now.”

  “How is this helping me?” I asked as I handed her the helmet.

  “Trust me.” She shook her shiny hair, as if fully aware she was peacocking, and linked her arm in mine, letting me lead her to the front door.

  Matt answered, grinning like he fucking invented it, “Hello, hello, hello.”

  “Hey,” she beamed back.

  “Matt, this is Callie. Callie, this is Matt.” I sounded as enthused as I was.

  Ashley came scrambling up to the door, grinning wide. “Hi, Callie. I’m Ashley.” He held a hand out for her.

  “Nice to meet you.” She took it and he kissed the back. I scowled.

  “And you must remember Mike.” Matt took her from me and led her into the house.

  “Of course.” She sang it like one of the Disney princesses.

  Mike stood, offering her his hand.

  “I don’t think so.” She kept her hands behind her back. “I think you owe me a naked photo and an apology, not a handshake. And I don’t want some dick pic you might send later. I want it now. I mean, you could always put your leg up on the chair here or the toilet. No sucking in. Fat rolls and all. Maybe rub some lotion on.”

  His jaw dropped.

  My jaw also dropped. So much for PG. Nervously, I listened for Phil’s kids, relieved when I didn't hear them.

  Matt burst out laughing.

  Phil walked into the living room, confused and possibly enchanted at the same time.

  And Mike blushed. “You saw that, did ya?”

  Jamey came in behind Phil, laughing. “You must be Callie.” She reached over, offering her a hand.

  “Hi.” Callie took it and the two girls squared off again
st Mike. The other guys backed up slightly.

  I almost felt sorry for him.

  “I’m not gonna lie, catching Mike speechless is a rarity.” Jamey took a swig of beer. “Look how red he is.”

  Phil’s eyes darted to mine and back to Callie.

  I nodded. “Callie, this is Phil, my boss.”

  “Lovely to meet you.” She reached in, politely shaking his hand.

  Phil’s cheeks reddened as he smiled back. “The pleasure is all mine. I’m glad we got to meet formally. Mike here owes you an apology.” Phil’s stern boss face slipped back on.

  Mike sputtered, “I-I didn’t kn-know her then.”

  “Mike,” Phil warned.

  “Sorry. I shouldn’t have taken the photo.” He didn’t sound sorry.

  “Thanks.” She spun and turned back to Jamey. “So, are you always the only female?”

  “Yes.” Jamey pointed at the kitchen. “Let’s get you a drink and we can dish on them.” They left us in the living room.

  Ashley bit his knuckle, watching her walk away. Phil lifted his drink at me. Matt slapped me on the shoulder, hugging me.

  Mike’s eyes narrowed. “I see you rode bitch.”

  “Yup.” I nodded.

  “Good to know who the man in the relationship is.”

  As if she’d been lurking and waiting for it, Callie strolled back in holding a beer there was no way she already had. It had to be Jamey’s. “You know, Mike, one day when you accept the size of your dick, you won’t mind sharing the power with a lady. You won’t have to suffer through an endless stream of meaningless sex with girls who have low self-esteem.” She winked at me. “Guys like Simon are lucky. They never have to overcome a hurdle like yours.” She batted her lashes at me. Somehow she fitted in with them better than I did. I was still the butt of the joke.

  “Nope,” I answered flatly, hoping she would stop.

  Matt chuckled. “We already know about Simon’s superpower.” He squeezed my shoulders tighter. It bothered me to talk about my dick, especially while he held me tight like that.

  But I didn’t say a word.

  “That’s not his superpower.” Callie scoffed.

  “No,” Jamey joined in. “Simon’s hot, funny, shy, smart, educated, a gentleman, and he’s well known for his”—Jamey coughed—“ability to eat a lot of pie.” She started to laugh, unable to keep her poker face going.