For Love or Money Page 19

  Nick leans forward, smirking. I know what the look says so I put my hand up in his face. “I’m choosing to ignore that.”

  He shakes his head, gripping my hand and peeking over the top of it. “She is a tomcat in the sheets. Freak. I nailed her in Vegas last summer. Best sex ever.”

  “You were eighteen last summer. Gross. She’s mid-twenties.” I roll my eyes and James laughs, squeezing my other hand.

  We listen to her blather on about how my dad is her favorite person in the world and completely responsible for her success.

  The crowd is eating it up, but I’m not the only person in the stands who isn’t as impressed as I should be. Bryce’s eyes search out mine. I sneer but he winks at me.

  James sees and turns, taking my face in his hands and kissing me softly. He sucks my lower lip, making tingles slither through my body.

  The crowd erupts, missing our make-out session.

  When the speeches and bravado are over, we are split into four groups of five applicants with their bands. My dad comes and sits with us, offering his hand to my bandmates and getting particularly excited when he sees Nick. When it’s his turn to speak to James, his face changes a bit. “James, how are you?”

  “Great!” James smiles wide. “Sir, nice to see you again.”

  “I owe you one, young man,” my dad chuckles.

  James turns and glances at me. “I think we’re even.”

  My dad’s eyes land on me, narrowing like I’ve lied to him. I shake my head, like I’m letting him know I never did. But he doesn’t trust me, I can see that still. I don’t know when we’ll be to a place where I’ve earned it back. I don’t know that we will ever get to that place.

  All I can do is try.

  “Where’s Leo?” Dad looks around.

  “Sick. He got a head cold on the flight over.”

  I am not the only person my dad doesn’t trust. He nods, but I can see he’s skeptical.

  “Well, I hope he’s better by tomorrow. We go live and this auditorium will be filled with people who want to meet the contestants and see the show. Head colds don’t really affect us, we don’t need to sing.” His tone is serious.

  I scowl. “Dad, he’ll be here. I bet he’s at the party tonight.”

  My dad scoffs. “I bet he’s there too. That’s not the part I’m worried about.” He nods at the rest of us. “Good luck with first performances today.” He points at me and leaves.

  I don’t feel so great about our relationship again. My insides twist a bit, but I can’t worry about him. I have another dragon to slay.

  My eyes drift to the stage as the first group gets up there and starts to play.

  Nick wrinkles his nose. “Your dad still seems kinda pissed.”

  I nod, watching him smile at everyone as he introduces himself. “He is.”

  James takes my hand in his, kissing the back of it, but I pull it away. “Two separate things.” He nods. He looks pissed too.

  Shit.

  I can’t seem to make anyone happy today, but I don’t want my dad to think I lied.

  The first group of performers are amazing. Every one of them is fantastic. Their performances aren’t perfect, but I can see the potential.

  The second group goes through. Each group is playing two songs and getting critiqued so that when the show really starts tomorrow on live TV, we don’t make complete fools of ourselves. It’s almost like cheating but it’s not. We need to understand how the stage echoes and how we sound and look on it before we go live. It’s really just a test run.

  Plus I think my dad needs to make certain the applicants aren’t pulling his leg and the bands can play.

  Bryce’s girl band of sexy sluts is the final act in the second group. It’s like The Pussy Cat Dolls, only less perfect. I shake my head, disapprovingly. “Of course, he brought a harem.”

  Nick sighs. “The guy’s a dick, but I want to kiss him for bringing them.”

  When I look at him, disgustingly, I see my father has the same expression from across the room. It makes us both smile at each other.

  My dad hated Bryce when we dated. His dad is a big Hollywood director and we got in heaps of trouble together.

  James leans in like he’s reading my thoughts. “You never mentioned you slept with Bryce—he’s from Yale. I figured you would have told me about him at the picnic bench we never are allowed to mention again.”

  “You promised, kill it with fire. And I did tell you my ex-boyfriend, Bryce, was going to be here.” I cock an eyebrow. “He’s a celebrity. His dad has like seven Oscars. We agreed I wasn’t going to tell you the celebrity ones. It feels wrong to kiss and tell.” I nod up at the stage. “Especially a jackass like him.” Bryce waves at the judges, introducing himself and using his charms on the panel. It almost makes me angry to see them eat it up, but I have an idea.

  I look at Simon. “Can I sing ‘Human’ by Christina Perri, instead of you?” He looks shocked but nods. “Yeah, for sure. You think you can do it?”

  I shake my head. “No! I don’t think I can, but I think I have to. If I want to win my dad’s respect, I need to be bigger than just the girl who plays the violin. And we have the song mastered. Let’s just do it.”

  James nods. “I agree. It’s the showstopping surprise we need to enter this with. Everyone thinks they know everything about you. No one knows you. Let’s wow them.”

  We are with the fourth group, in fact, we are the last act of the show. I can’t help but wonder if my dad did this to me on purpose, testing my resolve. But like I did in the classroom with my violin when I thought James was testing me, I plan on rocking it. I have more resolve than I let people know.

  We are in the wings, listening to the other group, my hands are puddles and my heart is pounding, to the point my vision is tunneled. I glance across and see Henry and Geoff sitting in the stands, at the side where my dad is.

  My family is here to see me play, and I have a horrid feeling I’m going to throw up.

  James tries to hold my hand, but I need to stand alone, not processing anything, just being here.

  Michelle points at us. “And lastly, we have a special treat. Mr. Webber’s own daughter entered the contest. I had assumed as an applicant, but it turns out there might be more to Lana Webber than meets the eye. She is here with her band. Let’s give it up for Leo Gates’ participants. Leo is under the weather today, but we hope to see him tonight. Here they are.” She claps and smiles wide. I don’t know if she’s smiling ‘cause she thinks I’ll suck or if she genuinely hopes I don’t.

  We walk out onto the stage. I’m gripping my violin like it’s my lifeline.

  The band gets into place. The lights dim for us. I avoid every face in the crowd and look up at the lights.

  James comes and whispers to me. “The lights look like the stars on your violin.”

  I clear my throat and look down at it. He’s right. She’s watching me. She’s watching, and I want nothing like I do than for her to be proud.

  Nick starts the keyboard, but I don’t look out at the audience as the first words leave my lips softly. It’s too soft and I know it so I close my eyes and push it a little more.

  The words flow from my mouth perfectly as Nick and Brandon play with me. When I hit the chorus and I open my eyes, tears are turning my vision hazy. I don’t cry but they sit in there, making the audience invisible. I don’t even realize I’m holding my violin and not playing it. The drums, guitar, keyboard, and bass are more than enough.

  The song builds to its crescendo and I sing as hard as I can, lost in the stars that make everything more. The words mean so much to me because all my mistakes in the past prove every word she wrote.

  I finish the song and lower my head.

  The audience is silent.

  I’m shaking and scared, but I don’t know if I can look at them so I look back. James looks stunned. We’re standing alike, staring at each other, like the world has frozen.

  James nods, clapping.

 
Suddenly I hear it.

  It’s like my hearing starts again or my shock wears off, and everyone in the stands is standing and clapping. Geoff and Henry are crying and my dad is fighting his tears.

  Everyone looks stunned.

  But no one is more stunned than me. James grabs my arm, pulling me back and whispering. “Next song, Lana. Come on. Stay with me. Look into my eyes.”

  I turn and suddenly I’m okay again. Not great, but okay. He’s here and I’m not alone.

  He nods. “Next song.”

  I walk to the back as he and Simon come more forward.

  The stands simmer down as James strikes the guitar, but it’s Nick who starts the song off. We decided on “Best Day Of My Life” by American Authors. It’s a fast and fun song, and I only have to play violin. Brandon’s mad skills on the drums and James’ guitar picking are the main focus of the music and James and Simon are the vocals, thank God.

  James leans into the mike, pointing at the crowd and singing the first lines softly.

  We all wait for the first break and explode at the same time as all the instruments come to life.

  James owns the stage. Where my singing was a surprise, his sex appeal is irresistible. He moves around the front of the stage, dancing and pointing out at the crowd.

  Brandon leans into his mike singing backup, doing a perfect mimic of the original song while drumming.

  The crowd is off their seats, dancing with their arms in the air. Every time we explode after the break, they cheer.

  I relax into the song, playing my violin. James has the guitar picking sounding just like a ukulele. He is so talented. Seeing him perform, I forget I am too. I just play along as he and Simon lead the crowd.

  When the song is done, I’m barely breathing. Everyone is going nuts, but James is looking at me like he’s asking if I’m okay. I nod. My hands are glued to the bow and violin with sweat and anxiety, but I have survived.

  My father gestures at me. He’s proud or pleased or something good.

  It’s like taking an eraser and making everything go away. That affirmation of his approval is more than anything else that has ever happened.

  When we get offstage my knees buckle but James is there. He lifts me a little, kissing my cheek. “That was fucking insane. You ARE a diva. You just never let it go.”

  I nod. I don’t want to talk about it. I want to go and sit in a room and overthink everything that just happened. But Nick, Simon, and Brandon are so excited I can hardly take it. They’re shouting and hugging me. I am no longer odd man out.

  I’m no longer ruled and trapped by the prison I built around myself.

  James takes my hand in his, blending the two worlds we need to keep separate, but I don’t care. I squeeze his hand and let him pull me through the crowd to the back door.

  We get into a lonely hallway, making me ask, “Where are we going?”

  He doesn’t answer, he just walks. When we get to another door he opens it, pulling me into a small, dark room. The light leaves when he closes the door.

  He leans in, kissing me. He cups my face, delicately planting soft kisses and whispering, “I am so proud of you.”

  I nod against his face. “Me too. I’m proud of us all.” My stomach is still in knots, and being alone in the dark with him isn’t making it go away. But at least the panicked feeling of my stage fright is gone.

  His lips delicately caress mine, like he’s hesitating or waiting for me to give him the go ahead. I wrap my hands around his neck, letting him lift me up into his arms, cupping my ass and holding me against the wall. It isn’t aggressive though, it’s slow and adoring.

  His lips trail down my cheeks, sucking at my neck and shoulders as he nudges my shirt away from my neckline. I close my eyes, lost in the delicate way he’s touching me. I run my hands down the back of him, clawing at him and grinding my body against his.

  He chuckles and puts me down, stepping back. “I need a cold shower.”

  My lips are getting puffy from the kisses and my breath is ragged but he’s right, we need to stop. The silence feels awkward but he steps close to me again. In the dark I can’t see him, but I can feel his breath. “Go out for dinner with me tomorrow night.”

  It brings a smile to my face, my whole face. “You want to go on a date?”

  “I want to be what you need, beyond what you want.”

  Fuck, he’s perfect.

  I nod. “Okay.”

  “Be my date tonight for the party?”

  “Okay.” I don’t know what else to say. Our two worlds don’t seem to want to separate. I don’t want them to as much as I pretend I do. But I’m sort of done pretending. I just want to be true to my feelings.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I honestly love you

  James

  When I get to her door I take a breath before knocking. I don’t want to go to the stupid party. I want her to open the door as I push her back in and fuck the hell out of her, and then maybe order room service.

  But she wants me to appreciate the side of her that isn’t naked and moaning.

  She doesn’t see that I like every angle of her. I just especially like the fact she’s addicted to sex, no matter how hard she fights it.

  She matches me.

  I knock and wait, but no amount of daydreaming could have prepared me for the moment she opens the door.

  She is stunning.

  I swallow hard. She’s in a pale golden-yellow dress that is strapless and sits on her perky breasts. If I look hard enough I can faintly see the outline of her nipples through the fabric. The dress is bunched at the waist with a dark-gold belt that matches the huge pumps she’s wearing. Her whole body has a shimmering golden hue to it, even her legs which are fully exposed by the short dress.

  I shake my head. “You can’t wear that.”

  She looks down. “What? Why?”

  “I don’t want to get into a fight.”

  She slips her creamy, gold-colored clutch under her arm and leans against the door. “You don’t think you can handle yourself?”

  “I think we both know I can handle myself, and you.” A cocky smile owns my face. “The problem is I don’t think I can keep my hands off of you if you wear that. So it’s your choice. You can dress that way, and all night I will be touching you. Probably inappropriately. And when we get back to this room later, I will be treating you exactly the way you’re dressed.”

  She nods, maintaining her serious face. “I’m counting on that, cowboy.” She looks at my dress pants and dress shirt and winks. “You look nice.”

  I can’t speak. I want to pull her skirt up and fuck her. She reads my mind and leans in, looking up into my eyes and batting her long, thick lashes. “If you fuck me right now you’ll be sorry you wasted the night.”

  I laugh, fighting my natural urges and erection that’s starting to develop. “You underestimate my ability to bounce back quickly. Unlike you, I’m still only twenty-one.”

  Her blue-grey eyes narrow, making her dark eye makeup harsher. “You might just pay for that comment.” She slides past me and walks toward the elevator.

  The elevator ride is intense. I want to grab her roughly and bend her over. At the very least, I need to rub her ass against the bulge that won’t go down in my pants.

  But I don’t. I’m not supposed to touch her and we’re trying to be friends and keep our two worlds separate.

  I spend ten seconds, convincing myself I won’t be able to stop brushing my lips against her arms and chest as I lift her skirt, before I realize I’m losing it.

  I shake my head, focusing on the numbers going down on the panel as we pass each floor.

  Just as we are nearing the bottom, she glances back at me, seductively. “I think I love you, James. I don’t want it to be one of those awkward after-sex confessions. So I just want to say it now, in here, where neither of us has to admit anything else because we feel like we should.” She pauses and smiles. “I love you.”

  My heart stops b
eating for a second.

  The door dings and we’re on the main floor. Instead of finishing the conversation, she walks out into the lobby, smiling and talking, leaving me stuck in the elevator.

  Damn her.

  Her confession is lingering in the air, making a wall that prevents me from leaving it. I want to stand there, with it hovering around me.

  I can’t believe she said it. Not because I don’t think she should have, but because she beat me to it.

  I want to say it back, but I wanted to say it first. Of course, I wanted to have sex and then say it.

  Her way is like an evil form of torturous foreplay.

  I’m hard, awkwardly hard. The elevator door closes, taking me back up to whatever floor it has been called to.

  My back is against the wall and my jaw is still on the floor.

  An older lady gets in, smiling at me. She kills my boner, thank God. She smells like mothballs and an old Chanel perfume my grandma wore before she died.

  When we get to the lobby the gang is standing, waiting for me. Nick is staring at Lana’s chest while Brandon is avoiding it with all his might.

  She almost makes me hard seeing her again.

  She is so beautiful and she’s mine.

  I walk to them, sliding my hand on her back, hugging her side into me.

  Nick shakes his head. “Good luck, man. That dress is a train wreck.”

  The guys laugh and walk to a limo out front. She nods her head at the door. “No more buses. I just can’t travel like that.” I know I’m frozen with a stupefied look on my face. She looks confused. “What?”

  “You say that shit and leave me there with it, and now you want to talk about buses?”

  She smiles. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to say something you don’t want to say that I wanted to say.” She’s confusing me but I think that’s her plan. She kisses my cheek, pulling herself up to my face using my shoulder. “I just wanted you to know that I love you, and I don’t want you to think it’s anything other than me telling you I love you.”

  I cock an eyebrow. “You’re bad at this. Love declarations are supposed to be after sex, I read it somewhere. That’s how they happen for normal people.”